* (Kat's Blog Is Under Construction...) *

Sometimes, you need to experience sadness to be able to differentiate it from happiness... Sometimes, you need to feel a little lost to appreciate what it's like to be found... Sometimes, you need to make mistakes because sometimes the best way to learn is by making mistakes... Don't mind if life has to make you wait a lifetime to get what you want... Chances are the waiting would only make the finding much sweeter... +KaT+

white flag I’ll be superman 100 years slide the reason no such thing whenever, wherever, whatever breathing hanging by a moment she will be loved unwell for you I will try someday all apologies wonderwall fallen truly madly deeply ain't no mountain high enough deep inside of you waterfalls beautiful day a thousand miles someday we’ll know here without you try again if I aint got you things ill never say when can I see you again closer I get to you this love dilemma crossroads 4 seasons of loneliness if you’re not the one officially missing you spend my life wid you superman harder to breathe are you happy now? I knew I loved u burn one last cry fill me in heaven i need you if i'm not in love back to you dnt wanna miss a thing wish u were here just once boys dnt cry time of my life accidentally in love million miles away buttercup moon river nobody does it better chun gook eh gi uk geu gut man eun na man eh nuh bo go ship da

I want to write. I want to put all my thoughts into words, which I feel I have to do now otherwise these thoughts will just completely spill out of my mind.

Last week I had a chat with my friend in Yokohama, which turned out to be an eye-opener for me…

Yoko-friend: hi gorgeous !!!
Yoko-friend: ang aga mo pumasok
mynameiskatrina: ei!
Yoko-friend: sa ym , , , hehehe
mynameiskatrina: syemps... model employee eh..
mynameiskatrina: hahaha
mynameiskatrina: sira
Yoko-friend: hahahahha
Yoko-friend: thanks

He’s only a friend. I have to be defensive and clear about that. I’ve been in constant communication with him for almost 4 years now because of work... and because of work, we became friends. I haven’t had a hard time knowing him since he’s been so transparent and frank which he often accused me of being naïve and secretive.

So our conversation goes on…

mynameiskatrina: musta na?
Yoko-friend: ayun when the cat is out
Yoko-friend: ok. .. enjoy sa bakasyong golden week
mynameiskatrina: when the cat, when the cat ka pa dyan!
mynameiskatrina: hahaha
mynameiskatrina: onga pala noh...
mynameiskatrina: saya...
Yoko-friend: when the cat is out, kat is in the chat room
mynameiskatrina: hahahaha
mynameiskatrina: sira ka talaga!
Yoko-friend: thanks again

… and the kulitan goes on for another 10 minutes until …

mynameiskatrina: sa bahay ka lang maghapon?
Yoko-friend: hindi kaka gising ko lang
Yoko-friend: umaga na ko umuwi
Mynameiskatrina: wow...
mynameiskatrina: di ko na tatanungin kung bakit...
mynameiskatrina: hahahah
Yoko-friend: wow ka dyan
Yoko-friend: kala mo siguro kung anong pinag gagawa ko
mynameiskatrina: hindi noh?!
mynameiskatrina: alam ko naman na videoke lang katapat mo at bowling
Yoko-friend: buti na yun, mali ka dyan
mynameiskatrina: at bakit ako mali?
Yoko-friend : ang babaw ko naman kung videoke. . lang
mynameiskatrina: ewan
Yoko-friend: marami kaming gimik di lang yun
mynameiskatrina: o sya, marami na kung marami
Yoko-friend: yan ka na naman
Yoko-friend: pag ikaw nag asawa ka. . .
mynameiskatrina: anong yan ka nanaman
mynameiskatrina: ano?
Yoko-friend: di dapat ganyan
Yoko-friend: hahahhaha
mynameiskatrina: bakit?
Yoko-friend: you sound like a bored nagger
mynameiskatrina: hellow?!!!!
mynameiskatrina: hindi kaya

Ouch! Do I sound like a bored nagger wife on this conversation? Hindi naman di ba?

Yoko-friend: hay naku miss kat, there 's more to life
mynameiskatrina: i know...
Yoko-friend: ur very young
mynameiskatrina: and beautiful
mynameiskatrina: ahahahaha
mynameiskatrina: joke
Yoko-friend: and yet
Yoko-friend: sound so manang
mynameiskatrina: MANANG?!!!!
Mynameiskatrina: di kaya
mynameiskatrina: conservative lang siguro...

Please define the word MANANG… Una sa lahat, ang meaning ng manang sa ilonggo ay “ate” at pangalawa ang manang na tao ay yung mga tipo na nagpapalda ng hanggang talampakan at hindi tumitingin sa mga lalaki at galit sa mga lalaki…

Basta, hindi ako manang (PERIOD)

mynameiskatrina: basta,
mynameiskatrina: di mo ko kasi maintindihan
mynameiskatrina: i'm just doing the right thing
Yoko-friend: try me. . .
mynameiskatrina: ayko kasi ng komplikadong buhay sa ngayon
mynameiskatrina: gets...
Yoko-friend: komplikadong buhay? do you have a life?
Yoko-friend: joke lang ha
mynameiskatrina: ahahahah
mynameiskatrina: sira
mynameiskatrina: kasi nga ngayon ang focus ko is my family
mynameiskatrina: and career na rin siguro
Yoko-friend: bahay opisina, chaperoned dates, wheew!!
mynameiskatrina: ahahha
mynameiskatrina: chaperoned dates?!
mynameiskatrina: loka
Yoko-friend: family? they have a life of their own

This was the time when I got a bit confused on the things which I believed were right… Siguro nga ako na mismo ang nag-set ng standards on how I should live. I only want to live right with no complications or whatsoever… Maybe because I’m scared to fall, I’m scared to lose and most of all I’m scared to make mistake. But sometimes I’m also thinking, what if I tried so hard to live in an uncomplicated life only to find out that I’m already missing half of it… Is this what you call regret?

Yoko-friend: living with them is just a matter of coincidence

Maybe he’s right… but in situation where you still live with your parents, their decisions, feelings and suggestions should always be taken into consideration… mahirap i-explain… I believe in the spirit of gratitude. I will not be where I am right now without them. I love my parents and I respect them, what’s wrong with that?

Yoko-friend: ngayon kung susunod k n lang parati
Yoko-friend: bale wala ang single life mo
Yoko-friend: hanggang mag-asawa ka
mynameiskatrina: onga eh...
Yoko-friend: taga alaga k n lang ng bata
Yoko-friend: tapos anong career sinasabi mo?

This one strikes me the most… I’m only 24 and single yet I feel like I already have a family of my own. My parents are my children and my sister is my husband (not to mention LJ and Alex in the picture). I don’t know but this is how I look at myself in our family. I always have to be the strong one so as to keep our family from falling apart. I’m happy when they’re happy and I’m sad whenever they’re sad also.

Yoko-friend: sensya na if i sounded a bit insensitive

Reality bites…

mynameiskatrina: o sya, at baka mahuli ka pa sa party mo
mynameiskatrina: oks lang yun
Yoko-friend: hayaan mo sila maghintay. .. babae lang yan
Yoko-friend: hahahhahaa
mynameiskatrina: loka
Yoko-friend: im just being straight and down to earth
mynameiskatrina: wow...
mynameiskatrina: down to earth?!
Yoko-friend: konting taklesa ba
mynameiskatrina: hindi... sabi mo nga, you're just being true to yourself...
mynameiskatrina: o sya, hahaba nanaman tong usapan
Yoko-friend: sigue
Yoko-friend: ingat palague
Yoko-friend: tangue
mynameiskatrina: hahaha
mynameiskatrina: kaw din tangue
mynameiskatrina : ingat palague
Yoko-friend: bye

End of conversation.

I like chatting with him. Not only because I get a straight answer but also because I get to know myself better. He’s more of a big brother to me, who never fails to remind me that there’s more to life than work, who gets more excited every time I get acknowledged on my work and who always give “unsolicited” advise of which types of men I should be dating. On that note, I want to thank him.

Yeah, my life right now may not qualify in “Maalaala Mo Kaya…” but I’m sure and glad to say that I’m living my life according to God’s plan.

I want to be free… In two years time… That’s a promise to myself…